Breakup, redux, part deux
Sorry to blabber on but I kind of want to write this down, just to get it out, and to remember.
I've been extra sad today...been having sad moments all week but nothing too scary, today was extra scary. It's been an eventful and exhausting week I guess so it's not really surprising that I'm feeling rather burnt out.
I have so much uni work to do (five assignments of more than 1500 words each due in the next week) and I haven't done any of it. I think I am going to have to ask for extensions just to get it done.
Luckily I seem to have whooping cough, so at least I can get a medical certificate. (As if having whooping cough is something lucky.)
In the non sad news it's still been an eventful week- I had my very first one night stand on Wednesday night. Very out of character for me, but I was drowing my sorrows and I wanted to. That's okay, isn't it?
I feel a bit horrible, but it's not like I've moved on. I was just...distracting myself for a while.
Went out to the Walley on Friday night but I was feeling pretty sick and my heart just wasn't in it- I didn't even want to talk to cute boys or dance with them. Still had fun, just got annoyed with all the boys talking to me and trying to dance with me (HORRIBLE, I know!).
Back to the moping...I just miss him a lot right now, still. I want to msg and find out how he is, make sure he's okay (possibly selfishly to make myself feel better). I am also paranoid that our mutual friends might hate me now, one has been kinda distant. I ran into two of his other friends while out on Friday, and they hesitated to hug me. I said 'You must hate me now,' and he assured me they didn't, but you know how it is.
Yes, I am rambling. Sorry, to bed with a cup of tea for me!
g
I've been extra sad today...been having sad moments all week but nothing too scary, today was extra scary. It's been an eventful and exhausting week I guess so it's not really surprising that I'm feeling rather burnt out.
I have so much uni work to do (five assignments of more than 1500 words each due in the next week) and I haven't done any of it. I think I am going to have to ask for extensions just to get it done.
Luckily I seem to have whooping cough, so at least I can get a medical certificate. (As if having whooping cough is something lucky.)
In the non sad news it's still been an eventful week- I had my very first one night stand on Wednesday night. Very out of character for me, but I was drowing my sorrows and I wanted to. That's okay, isn't it?
I feel a bit horrible, but it's not like I've moved on. I was just...distracting myself for a while.
Went out to the Walley on Friday night but I was feeling pretty sick and my heart just wasn't in it- I didn't even want to talk to cute boys or dance with them. Still had fun, just got annoyed with all the boys talking to me and trying to dance with me (HORRIBLE, I know!).
Back to the moping...I just miss him a lot right now, still. I want to msg and find out how he is, make sure he's okay (possibly selfishly to make myself feel better). I am also paranoid that our mutual friends might hate me now, one has been kinda distant. I ran into two of his other friends while out on Friday, and they hesitated to hug me. I said 'You must hate me now,' and he assured me they didn't, but you know how it is.
Yes, I am rambling. Sorry, to bed with a cup of tea for me!
g
posted by Girl at 11:08 pm
1 Comments:
Permission to be dead straight?
Cut out the stuff about being horrible. You're not horrible, you're not unusual in any way, you've just broken up with a boy, and it feels rough. It's supposed to. But it's not Self defining.
I don't know, but I have a feeling that you sometimes do a victim thing - that's not meant to be mean, it's just an observation. Lots of people do it. It's like a) something's happened to me that I don't like , b) I think I might somehow deserve it for some reason, c) therefore I must be a bad person, d) OK, if I'm a bad person then it's kinda OK that this crap has happened.
Or something. I've had a lot of experience with other folks stories, and they are often more complex than that, but the usually boil down to something like that.
So just get that you aren't horrible. I don't care if you disagree with me! It's not true. It's just what you're making stuff mean. So cut it out and make up something that's more empowering. We all make up these stories in our heads about ourselves. Catch yourself at it, and make up a good one not a bad one.
I mean, in reality, you and he didn't work out. That's all. You weren't malicious. You didn't set out to cause pain when you knew that you had an alternative did you?
And having a fling is fine. Hell, just take care and be safe. You're human, woman. Give yourself the grace to grieve, be a bit all over the place for a while, then learn and move on.
No hurry, but no need to linger either.
I hardly know you, but that doesn't mean that I would let you get away with belittling yourself!
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