The pathology of (my) panic...
I'm not sure I should be posting this on what's supposed to be a sex blog, but hey, there hasn't been much posting about sex on here lately anyway...
So you've probably figured out by now that I have something of a problem with anxiety. In difficult situations, or even, dare I say it fairly normal situations (almost only involving boys) I tend to have panic reactions that are grossly out of proportion with what's -actually- going on.
Probably I could trace this back to one relationship I had, where I didn't really -like- the guy but allowed myself to get trapped by the sex and his neediness, and now I'm kind of terrified of being trapped again.
I've had a lot of help, I was on anti-depressants for a while, and I've been seeing a psychologist... so don't worry, onlywhenilarf, I'm not retreating into a little hidey hole or anything like that.
It gets hard though, I know I just have to bring myself back to reality, apply all the tricks my psychologist taught me- remind myself that this reaction is totally in-appropriate for the situation. But it's hard sometimes, fighting myself. Sometimes it feels like my brain -wants - to panic- this situation for example- I know it's no big deal- I had my first real life date with a guy I met online, who I had a really good connection with online. We didn't have quite that -click- in real life, although the date was fun, I haven't decided how I feel about him yet, or where I want this to go.
Seems reasonable enough, no? A simple matter of maybe a few more dates, to get to know him better, to be sure, and work from there. No reason to be afraid, or anxious or panicky. And I know this, logically I know, but my brain just won't let up- I wanted us to 'click' straight away, I want to be sure that I like him so I don't have to worry about this, be afraid of being trapped again.
It's also because I have this idea that if it's 'right', if I really like the boy, I won't get anxious. And I still don't really know if that's true or not.
I know logically that sometimes first dates, especially with people off the net, can be awkward and the dynamic can totally change after.
You always tell me to follow my instinct Charon, but unfortunately panic is a pretty deeply ingrained 'instinct' for me at the moment, and I have to -not- follow it.
Doesn't help that I'm run down at the moment with a cold, so the fuzzy head feeling that comes with anxiety, the feeling of not quite being in the world, is carried on by the blocked up feeling of the cold.
Look at me turning my molehills into mountains. It's so silly, I know it, but sometimes it's hard not to.
g
So you've probably figured out by now that I have something of a problem with anxiety. In difficult situations, or even, dare I say it fairly normal situations (almost only involving boys) I tend to have panic reactions that are grossly out of proportion with what's -actually- going on.
Probably I could trace this back to one relationship I had, where I didn't really -like- the guy but allowed myself to get trapped by the sex and his neediness, and now I'm kind of terrified of being trapped again.
I've had a lot of help, I was on anti-depressants for a while, and I've been seeing a psychologist... so don't worry, onlywhenilarf, I'm not retreating into a little hidey hole or anything like that.
It gets hard though, I know I just have to bring myself back to reality, apply all the tricks my psychologist taught me- remind myself that this reaction is totally in-appropriate for the situation. But it's hard sometimes, fighting myself. Sometimes it feels like my brain -wants - to panic- this situation for example- I know it's no big deal- I had my first real life date with a guy I met online, who I had a really good connection with online. We didn't have quite that -click- in real life, although the date was fun, I haven't decided how I feel about him yet, or where I want this to go.
Seems reasonable enough, no? A simple matter of maybe a few more dates, to get to know him better, to be sure, and work from there. No reason to be afraid, or anxious or panicky. And I know this, logically I know, but my brain just won't let up- I wanted us to 'click' straight away, I want to be sure that I like him so I don't have to worry about this, be afraid of being trapped again.
It's also because I have this idea that if it's 'right', if I really like the boy, I won't get anxious. And I still don't really know if that's true or not.
I know logically that sometimes first dates, especially with people off the net, can be awkward and the dynamic can totally change after.
You always tell me to follow my instinct Charon, but unfortunately panic is a pretty deeply ingrained 'instinct' for me at the moment, and I have to -not- follow it.
Doesn't help that I'm run down at the moment with a cold, so the fuzzy head feeling that comes with anxiety, the feeling of not quite being in the world, is carried on by the blocked up feeling of the cold.
Look at me turning my molehills into mountains. It's so silly, I know it, but sometimes it's hard not to.
g
posted by Girl at 1:31 pm
7 Comments:
Girl, I should like to meet you. Not for a date, but because you interest me. I'm going to be away from about March 2nd for just over a month. I have some free time before then. Please accept my invitation to meet me somewhere public, in the middle of the day, for a coffee and a talk.
I left me email addie on a previous comment. Drop me a line. We can discuss the what and how and when and where.
A xxx
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
It's not a molehill, g.. it's important.. and it's definitely important to you.
The transition from online chatting to real-life interaction isn't easy, nor guaranteed to produce the same reactions.. online personalities can be far removed from reality. That's why caution should always be used.. public spaces, busy places and times, in daytime, and a readily available way to remove yourself from the scene.. all good guidelines to follow when meeting someone for the first time.
Trusting your instinct is, I think, as much about assessing whether you're only panicking, as it is listening to what your first thought is. It depends on the situation. If you have time to think about it, then assess.. if not, then listen to your instant reaction. It's really about trusting your own judgement.
Try not to want the person to be the one - difficult I know - but just see who they are, and what they're like.. and whether you like who they actually are.
And you blog whatever you want to.. it's your blog after all.
charon xox
Just to add to my rambling comment above.. in real life, that spark - click -that we hope to find is dependent on many varied elements that just aren't part of an online encounter.. chemistry, baby, chemistry.. :)
Charon
xox
I'd like to add to Charon's comment, and say I totally agree.
It's your blog, say what you want, I'm interested in you, in you life, not just your curves, charming though they are!
When it comes to getting to know people online and in real-time, then my experience has been that getting to know someone online is one thing, and it can serve to raise enough interest in them to find out if you want to know them in real-time or not.
In either case, the type of relationship you will have with them depends upon how who your are and what you want, and who they are and what they want, aligns. It might only line up enough to chat occasionally. It might line up enough to meet for a drink once a week. It might line up as a grand passion. Who knows? You actually have to do the work to find out.
It doesn't work to decide too much too soon, and that will then shut down what else might be possible.
Enough. I can't sleep, it's the middle of the night, but I'm buggered and I'm going back to bed!
A xxx
Yay for shrinkage! I see one too, to resolve my relationship issues. Nothing to be ashamed of. In fact i think just about everybody could benefit from a few sessions.
I tell you guys, that indefinable chemistry thing drives me crazy...I had an absolutely -broken- relationship because it was there and I'd never had it before, and now it's become essential. Unfortunate but true. I suppose we all want that zing though, don't we?
g
Post a Comment
<< Home