When I was seventeen...
This post over on Bondage Blog made me wonder about the human body's propensity to panic.
I once experienced this myself- once when I was seventeen my boyfriend and I were wrestling on the couch at my place. We were both virgins, so it was mostly just play, although I knew about my fetishes in an abstract sense already. At some point in our play he rolled me onto my back and had me pinned down- I was giggling and enjoying the fight, not at all worried prior, then suddenly my body jolted into instant 'flight' mode- my heart pounded, panic rushed through me, I started to hypeventilate and I had to shove him off me and calm down. I got a little emotional, the panic was so sudden and thorough I couldn't help it.
I can imagine how distressing that would be during a scene- it hasn't happened to me yet, surprisingly, considering the people I've played with and my own personal tendency towards anxiety and panic, but it could.
g
I once experienced this myself- once when I was seventeen my boyfriend and I were wrestling on the couch at my place. We were both virgins, so it was mostly just play, although I knew about my fetishes in an abstract sense already. At some point in our play he rolled me onto my back and had me pinned down- I was giggling and enjoying the fight, not at all worried prior, then suddenly my body jolted into instant 'flight' mode- my heart pounded, panic rushed through me, I started to hypeventilate and I had to shove him off me and calm down. I got a little emotional, the panic was so sudden and thorough I couldn't help it.
I can imagine how distressing that would be during a scene- it hasn't happened to me yet, surprisingly, considering the people I've played with and my own personal tendency towards anxiety and panic, but it could.
g
posted by Girl at 11:56 am
3 Comments:
g,
the link describes, so much better than I did, how permission works.. as well as respect and trust. xox
Hi! I've just found your blog via a long and squiggly route. However, as another Brisbanite who's into kink, how can I resist commenting?
Safe, sane, and consensual are the three great laws, and it helps to distinguish a bit more about them.
"Safe" means managing the level of risk to the point that is acceptable by all concerned. For some, they might be prepared to risk a slight bruise, for others it might be their very life (not me, no way!)
"Sane" means separating fantasy from reality, and being clear about fantasies that work best in our heads, and those we are prepare to act out.
"Consensual" means agreeing limits beforehand and respecting them. Hard limits that it is totally unacceptable to exceed, and soft limits that are where we stretch and expand ourselves in play.
Now, all the negotiation and experience in the world can still fail us, so safe words are vital. If we discover a hard limit that we weren't aware of before, or like this link describes, if someone panics, then a safe word structure is vital. Personally I like the tried and tested "red" means "full stop right now" and "orange" means "slow down". If gagged, then there must be a clear gesture.
(In my world, anyone saying they don't use safe words is either very, very experienced and working with people that they totally trust and can rely on, or they are barking mad and should be avoided at all costs!)
I noticed that your list of favourite films doesn't include "Secretary". If you've not seen it, you must. Permission, empowerment through submission, transforming the things that fuck us up into the things that make us great, are all the major themes, and it is a stunning and hugely sexy movie.
Ooh, squiggly...I -like- squiggly. *grin*
I agree, onlywhenilarf, safe sane and consensual is of the utmost importance. Strangely enough despite the way my mind works I haven't experimented with BDSM to the degree that requires a safeword. Or perhaps more correctly I haven't felt the need for one. Perhaps that was naive on my part, but it wasn't really indepth play, so I didn't really think it was necessary.
And yes, for some reason I was silly enough to leave Secretary off the list! I love it, thought it was an adorable and hysterically funny movie, it was great. Excellent taste in movies, onlywhenilarf!
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